Fear...it can stop us from taking action, from asking for what we need and want and from taking risks. It can leave us feeling helpless and anxious and it can stop us cold in our tracks.

In my years as a coach and from my own life journey, I've noticed something interesting about fear...what usually stops us is the fear of feeling the fear, not the "thing" we think we're fearing. We often don't get to face the fearful thing because our energy and attention is focused on avoiding the discomfort of fear.

I ask many of my clients to think about it this way: Imagine that your house has a narrow shadowy hallway. At the end of the hallway is a door. Just the mere fact that you don't know what's behind the door prevents you from opening it. This is the real fear. But over time, you actually start becoming fearful of the door itself! That represents your unwillingness to feel the discomfort of fear. So, the longer we go without feeling the fear, the MORE scared we get to actually go there. And yet, what often happens when we decide to confront the fear and open the door, we find that we are capable of handling what's behind it. Bottom line: By avoiding the discomfort of fear, we underestimate what we're capable of.

Now think of the example of asking for a raise. There is usually some nervousness inherent in this situation but many people don't even ask because of the fear it causes. The important step here is to ask, "What am I actually afraid of?" The fear of creating an uncomfortable situation? The fear of our being told "No"? The fear of being perceived as too aggressive? The fear of...(add your favorite one here)?

And what if you ask for something and the answer is, "No"? Imagine how you might feel and what your response might be. Are you capable of handling it? Really think about this. Notice how the fear of "No" is usually worse than the actual "No".

What are you fearful of?

Notice what's behind your fear - what you're actually fearful of. Are you afraid of feeling stupid, of embarrassing yourself, of failing, of going outside your comfort zone? Remember...you're not really afraid of the door!

Ask yourself if you can live with that. Imagine what it would be like to feel stupid in that situation. Or to embarrass yourself. Or to create discomfort. Or whatever your concern is. Can you handle it? Very likely you can.

Take a step to open the door and celebrate your courage. Pat yourself on the back. You're moving past the veil of fear, feeling the fear and doing it anyway. You're living life full on.

Next month: Spaciousness

May you see yourself as the beautiful human that you are,

Lisa

Are you looking for workshops that have lasting impact? Is your organization ready to make meaningful change? Are you and your colleagues hungry to be treated as humans and not just the function you perform?

Lisa works with groups to get to the underlying issues that support lasting change, that improve morale, enhance collaboration, improve customer service and reduce turnover.

Articulate and passionate, Lisa is highly skilled at creating dynamic environments that deeply engage participants in a meaningful and interactive way, leading to big payoffs for organizations and those they serve.

Contact Lisa at lisa@orangecoaching.com to discuss your organization's needs and she'll create a customized workshop to get your group where you REALLY want to go.