What is it about difficult conversations that have most people running for the hills? Why is it that when we're not sure how our message will be received, we are reluctant to send it? Heck, some would rather suffer in silence or walk away than say anything, for fear the other person will be offended or see them as pushy (or worse!). It's easy to view conflict as a big 'ol pile of poop in the middle of the room.

But what if difficult conversations were actually a good thing? An opportunity for amazing stuff to happen? Just imagine what's possible on the other side?

Yesterday I spoke with a dear friend of mine and we recalled a very difficult conversation we had last year. It was one of the most challenging conversations I've ever had - I mean, the friendship was in danger of ending or at least being severely damaged.

Instead of ignoring the situation or walking away from the friendship, we addressed it. It wasn't easy at first but the payoff has been huge: we now have a friendship that we know can withstand anything.

And there's more than that - I know that because I'm willing to have difficult conversations with people, I don't have to be less than who I am fully with others and I get to experience who they are fully too. And that feels fantastic!

I recently learned to view difficult conversations as gardens where we grow our relationships. This metaphor has really helped me harvest the good from those potentially awkward situations. So, keeping in mind how useful manure can be in your garden, read on.

See the "mess" as fertilizer. So here you are staring at a big ol' pile of poop. Sure, it might be stinky, but it's fertile ground. Instead of thinking "this is horrible, I want to avoid this", look at it as a rich place for things to grow. Acknowledge the issue without placing blame or analyzing it. Take responsibility for your part of the poop.

Decide what you want to plant. How will you use this fertilizer? What do you want to create or change for this relationship? Determine your desired outcome and approach the other person with respect.

Plant, water and tend the seeds. Have honest dialogue and come from your heart. See the beauty in the other person. Be respectful. Trust that the seeds you plant will bloom into something amazing that will nurture you both.

A Great Resource for You

Want more information and tips regarding difficult conversations? Sara Yao, MA is the "Queen of Candor" and her focus is on bringing more candor to personal relationships and business environments. She has an amazing ability to get to the heart of the matter while being gentle and loving at the same time. You can check her out at www.sarayao.com and sign up for her monthly newsletter, Candid Connections.

Check In

Just checking in as we start the second quarter of the year. Is 2005 shaping up as you'd planned?

If so, good for you! Savor, celebrate AND get clear on what it is that's working for you, so you can duplicate your success in the future. Each of these things is very important for your future success and for enjoying your life right now.

If not, what's getting in the way? What can you do differently? Remember the tips from the December 2004 newsletter "Setting Yourself up for Success":

1. Create clearly defined goals with a realistic action plan
2. Create a support team
3. Create an inspiring environment

For the more info, see our December newsletter archived online.